I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
