it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
