We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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