a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
