no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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