Christians are straight up FREAKS
this beer tastes like vomit already
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
