my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
