you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
