Your dad touched me again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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