so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
