Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
