My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can text with my tongue
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
