I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
