she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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