all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
