i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
These tits shall not be calmed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
