So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
