i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
