well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
sex in a hospital.. check
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
