you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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