So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
