Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
