the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
