Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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