If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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