I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
