So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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