I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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