I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
