I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
