i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
