it was like eating out sand paper
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
