Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
