If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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