now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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