dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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