1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
