Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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