At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
