the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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