yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
