All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
