i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
