I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
