You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
