I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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