are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
