If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
