but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
