So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
