we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
