You kept calling me your small dog last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
