Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
