And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
