You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
