Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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