so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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