if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
