I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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